Lean in, they say.
Lean into your emotions. Feel the feels. But don't think negative thoughts.
Wait.
How do I lean into "bad" thoughts without going negative?
How do I accept that I'm feeling sad without getting more sad?
Here's how you can feel the "feels" without getting more depressed.
When you are feeling an emotion like anxiety, fear, anger, or sadness, you must accept how you feel in that moment.
A lot of times, many of us, especially those who have been to therapy, will employ lots of tools and tactics to get ourselves out of the crappy emotion we are feeling.
These tools include taking deep breaths, counting, exercising, and pulling a tarot card from our decks to help us figure out what the heck we are feeling.
Now, these are GREAT tools!
But sometimes…
Sometimes…
Sometimes, these tools make us feel WORSE, especially when these tools don't work.
I'm angry!
I pulled a card!
I did the breathing thing!
Why am I STILL ANGRY?
Pushing your anger down with breathwork will only repress and manifest anger in a different, often strange way.
Accept the state you are in without becoming the emotion.
You feel angry. You're not an angry person.
You feel sad. You're not a sad person.
It's a slight but important difference.
Your emotions are valid. You have a right to feel the way you do; no emotion is a "bad" emotion. The only "bad" thing that comes from "bad" emotions is "bad" behavior. Managing our emotions and regulating our bodies helps us behave in appropriate ways that do less emotional harm to us and others.
Try to observe your emotions from a third-person perspective. Imagine if you were an audience member watching a movie about your life. As a viewer, you can empathize with the character (you in the movie) and understand why the character feels lost, sad, or angry.
Observing your emotions will help you be more curious about your emotions. This may help you ask the right questions about why you're feeling so crappy.
The last time I got down on myself was a few weeks ago. I started wondering what all my hard work was for. Was I really enjoying life or just going through the motions? I started to throw myself a little pity party.
I never do anything fun.
I'm always working.
I used to be interesting and fun.
And I don't even want to do that.
I don't even want to socialize and have fun.
What's wrong with me?
Am I depressed?
Nah. I felt depressed. Again, a slight but important difference.
When I did a mental movie montage of my life during the past week, I saw myself working on my computer in a messy house; I saw my husband and dog playing in the park, I saw my friend grieving his partner who just passed, I saw myself receiving news that a family member was in the early stages of dementia. All these played out like a sappy montage in the story of my life.
I felt depressed because I was overwhelmed with work and life and was missing out on the little joys like chilling at the park with my dog. And death and dementia are incredible reminders that nothing stays the same.
"Life moves pretty fast. If you don't stop and look around once in a while, you could miss it." -Ferris Bueller
Acceptance of an emotion doesn't look to the past or future. Instead, it stays in the PRESENT moment.
If I keep those feelings in the past tense, I may start to feel resentment; if I move those feelings into the future tense, I may feel anxious.
But when I accept my feelings of being overwhelmed in the present moment, I can take action.
I have choices.
I can do nothing and let the emotion pass. Or I can make small changes like asking my husband to help me clean the house or schedule time off to go to the park.
Or maybe I just need a nap.
What I don't want to do is decide that I'm depressed and that life has no point.
When I start feeling emotions that bring me down, I try to see the bigger picture and figure out what is causing those feelings. And then I must make choices aligned with my values.
In a nutshell:
Lean into how you are feeling, but don't label yourself. Feeling depressed doesn't mean you have depression. Emotions pass. They are not permanent.
Staying in the present moment can help uncover why you feel that emotion. Living in the past is living with regret, and living in the future is living with anxiety. Stay present.
It helps to view your life from a 3rd perspective (movie perspective) to help you see the bigger picture.
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